{"id":751,"date":"2023-08-05T20:56:17","date_gmt":"2023-08-05T20:56:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/monicajwilliams.com\/?p=751"},"modified":"2023-08-05T23:05:02","modified_gmt":"2023-08-05T23:05:02","slug":"waiting-for-rain-a-story-of-dis-membering-and-re-membering","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/monicajwilliams.com\/index.php\/2023\/08\/05\/waiting-for-rain-a-story-of-dis-membering-and-re-membering\/","title":{"rendered":"Waiting for Rain: A Poem of Dis-membering and Re-membering"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Waiting for Rain<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Little ballerina girl<br>Forgetting her body<br>Flying<br>Bending<br>Swaying<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A magnificent tree <br>A ray of light <br>Grace <br>Beauty <br>Beautiful soul<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Taken away by the music <br>Leotard, tights, and ballet shoes <br>Flying <br>Swaying <br>Rippling <br>Wonderfully lost<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Music<br>Movement<br>Silence<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Everyone stops <br>Ballerina girl comes back to the room <br>In a line with her peers <br>Five-, six-, and seven year-olds <br>The teacher teaches<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Music <br>Movement <br>And she\u2019s gone again<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Over the music <br>Teacher\u2019s voice <br>What\u2019s happening with your arms <br>She laughs <br>It looks like you\u2019re waiting for rain <br>Little ballerina girl<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Crashing into her body <br>The graceful limbs of the swaying tree <br>Suddenly gnarled <br>Bent arms pointed at all the wrong angles <br>Hands to the sky <br>Cupped <br>Waiting for rain<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She\u2019s lost <br>Terribly lost <br>Taken away by the teacher <br>Her soul hidden <br>Her arms liabilities<br>Her body <br>A problem<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This morning, my meditation practice revealed the memory of an event that I hadn&#8217;t thought about in a long time. As a young girl in Jacksonville, I took ballet classes. During one class, the teacher called me out for the ungraceful way I held my arms. &#8220;It looks like you&#8217;re waiting for rain,&#8221; she said, mocking how I held my arms close to my sides with my hands cupped and turned toward the ceiling. I surveyed my arms and saw she was right. Although I laughed off her remark, the incident evoked a self-consciousness about my dancing body that I&#8217;ve never quite shed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">During meditation, I let this event percolate. Soon, it took the form of a poem. As I wrote it, I realized it had all the hallmarks of a &#8220;dis-membering&#8221; event. I learned this term recently at a retreat I attended called Re-Membering through Awe and Wonder, convened by Lorrie Gaffney and DanaLee Simon as part of the Compassionate Living Community. During the retreat, we spent time identifying what disconnects us from and reconnects us to the deep wisdom of our compassionate core. Some of these include judging or being judged, comparing ourselves to others, ignoring or being ignored, perfectionsim, and being treated with disrespect or hostility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In writing my memoir, I&#8217;ve found and written stories of dis-membering events that live in each part of my body. In the process, I&#8217;ve learned to listen to what each part needs, and, to the best of my ability, provide the long-awaited attention, compassion, and care necessary to heal. The project is, at its core, an attempt to re-member myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When I considered my ballet poem as a story of dis-membering, I wondered if it could also become a story of re-membering. I decided to see what would happen if I wrote it in reverse, as a mirror poem (also called a palindrome poem) that could be read in either direction. After a few tweaks, I found my dis-membering poem was, indeed, also a poem of re-membering. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In case it&#8217;s hard for you to read from bottom to top, I&#8217;ve reproduced the poem below in its reverse form. While the top-to-bottom version tells the story of a girl learning the perils of forgetting her body, the bottom-to-top version flips the narrative to showcase a girl who discovers the healing power of letting her awkward body flow with the music despite its less-than-graceful start.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Waiting for Rain &#8211; Re-membering<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A problem<br>Her body<br>Her arms liabilities<br>Her soul hidden<br>Taken away by the teacher<br>Terribly lost<br>She&#8217;s lost<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Waiting for rain<br>Cupped<br>Hands to the sky<br>Arms pointed at all the wrong angles<br>Bent<br>Suddenly gnarled<br>The graceful limbs of the swaying tree<br>Crashing into her body<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Little ballerina girl<br>It looks like you\u2019re waiting for rain<br>She laughs<br>What\u2019s happening with your arms<br>Teacher\u2019s voice<br>Over the music<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And she&#8217;s gone again<br>Movement<br>Music<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The teacher teaches<br>Five-, six-, and seven year-olds<br>In a line with her peers<br>Ballerina girl comes back to the room<br>She stops<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Silence<br>Music<br>Movement<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Wonderfully lost<br>Rippling<br>Swaying<br>Flying<br>Leotard, tights, and ballet shoes<br>Taken away by the music<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Beautiful soul<br>Beauty<br>Grace<br>A ray of light<br>A magnificent tree<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Swaying<br>Bending<br>Flying<br>Forgetting her body<br>Little ballerina girl<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It occurs to me now that reading the poem in both directions tells the story of daily life. Every day, I experience judgment and alienation from my body in the form of external and internal judgments. Every day, I try again to listen past the critical voices and reclaim my beautifully imperfect body as my own. As the re-membering periods overtake the dis-membering times, I feel my soul fly, just like my long-ago little ballerina girl self who un-self-consciously let the music take her away.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/monicajwilliams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Duck-dancer-2.jpg?resize=372%2C512&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-766\" width=\"372\" height=\"512\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/monicajwilliams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Duck-dancer-2-scaled.jpg?resize=743%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 743w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/monicajwilliams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Duck-dancer-2-scaled.jpg?resize=218%2C300&amp;ssl=1 218w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/monicajwilliams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Duck-dancer-2-scaled.jpg?resize=768%2C1058&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/monicajwilliams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Duck-dancer-2-scaled.jpg?resize=1115%2C1536&amp;ssl=1 1115w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/monicajwilliams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Duck-dancer-2-scaled.jpg?resize=1487%2C2048&amp;ssl=1 1487w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/monicajwilliams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Duck-dancer-2-scaled.jpg?resize=700%2C964&amp;ssl=1 700w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/monicajwilliams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Duck-dancer-2-scaled.jpg?w=1859&amp;ssl=1 1859w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/monicajwilliams.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Duck-dancer-2-scaled.jpg?w=1400&amp;ssl=1 1400w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 372px) 100vw, 372px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>For more information about the Compassionate Living Community, email <a href=\"mailto:compassionatelivingcommunity@gmail.com\">compassionatelivingcommunity@gmail.com<\/a><\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Want to be notified of new publications and blog posts?&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/monicajwilliams.com\/index.php\/contact\/\">Sign up<\/a>&nbsp;for my email newsletter!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Waiting for Rain Little ballerina girlForgetting her bodyFlyingBendingSwaying A magnificent tree A ray of light Grace Beauty Beautiful soul Taken away by the music Leotard, tights, and ballet shoes Flying Swaying Rippling Wonderfully lost MusicMovementSilence&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":765,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,9,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-751","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-experimental","category-memoir","category-poetry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Waiting for Rain: A Poem of Dis-membering and Re-membering - Monica J. 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Bangs cut straight across her forehead. Dress with puffy sleeves.\u00a0 Looking up at me, big brown eyes.\u00a0Confused. Unsure.Scared. Hello little girl.\u00a0This has nothing to do with you.You are a miracle of stardust. Tears.\u00a0I hold out my hand.\u00a0She cowers.The\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Poetry&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Poetry","link":"https:\/\/monicajwilliams.com\/index.php\/category\/poetry\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":282,"url":"https:\/\/monicajwilliams.com\/index.php\/2021\/08\/06\/ill-meet-you-there\/","url_meta":{"origin":751,"position":5},"title":"I\u2019ll meet you there","author":"Monica Williams","date":"August 6, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"I give you permission to lay it all down. To be your authentic self. Gather the stressors the to-do\u2019s the feelings of not enough Into a large net. Ensnare them. Gently. Lovingly. In the net. Fold it around all of your weights. Lift them from your body. 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